Not doing things

[sophinisba]

Hello, Dreamwidth! Here is a post on the thrilling subject of lack of fannish productivity.

Not writing
In January I saw a prompt for a fest and started writing a fic. I got to about 4000 words, which is a lot for me in fic, and then got to a hard part, and also work got hard, and also the deadline for the fest got closer, and I stopped writing. Will I go back and finish the fic? I hope so but I can't really imagine it right now. I haven't been writing other fics either or having ideas about them.

Not vidding
Festivids 2019 happened last month. I'm not a regular vid watcher but I decided to dive in watching those during the anon period and they collectively gave me a lot of feelings including being super impressed with fans and what they do, and also wistful about my own frustrated attempts to vid back in 2012-13.

Then after the vidder reveals thingswwings had a little Twitter thread about how a lot of the technical parts of vidding have gotten easier just in the last five years because both sources and quality editing software are easier to acquire than before (often legally!), and anyone who's considered trying to vid should give it a try or another try.

So that was very well timed and I had like two days of thinking, yes! I will acquire the new software and start playing around, and it's okay that I don't have any ideas at this time, surely they will come. I did download DaVinci Resolve and found the external hard drive where I thought I'd kept vidding stuff but after an hour or so of dicking around I realized I didn't actually have any video files I could do anything with. I thought of clipping –– I'm not sure if I currently have the software I would use for that –– and then thought Oh God No, and then closed the new editing software without having figured out anything about how to use it.

Idk, I used to download most of the TV I watched from MegaUpload and I had all these files around and I just don't do anything like that anymore. I have no idea where to start. I do have friends who know things but idek what to ask them when I don't even have any idea what I want to vid, like I don't feel like the universe needs any more MCU vids and I don't have any specific ideas anyway, and I'm not into my small fandoms at the moment, I just want to make something because I am sad.

One thing I did do the other night was finally post my three old vids on the AO3, 'cause I mean, why not. And so far they have collectively had one kudos and one comment so that is nice.

Not podficcing
Ugh.

I've got this long podfic in progress that I might not finish, and I'm afraid if I do finish no one will want to listen anyway. I've recorded like two hours and every once in a while I make myself open Audacity and spend half an hour editing, which gets me about five minutes of edited podfic. I think the sound quality on this recording is worse than usual, maybe I the wrong setting on the microphone, and I make more mistakes in speaking than usual, and I'm not super happy with how I did the character voices. I just, ugh.

I got a great assignment for purimgifts and I went on the AO3 thinking I'd easily find some fun stuff to record for that fest along with some other bite-sized lady-centric fics for the Awesome Ladies Podfic Anthology, but I really quickly got discouraged by how many of the works tagged with female characters' names actually just had them in the background of fics about dudes. Like I know there are tags specifically for lady-centric works but not everybody uses them (I usually don't think to myself) and whatever it's just depressing. (I am possibly a little depressed.)

Not drinking
Alcohol consumption is obviously not a fanwork but while I'm here whining I want to say that dry February has been mostly annoying. I listened to a podcast last month that led me to hope that by giving up having a drink or two in the evening and would find a bunch of extra time and (possibly creative) energy. Friends, I have not! And I've been stressed about work and miss having that simple strategy of blocking it out.

That said, I did feel the need to do a month to show myself that I could, and we're more than halfway through now and I figure I'll make it the rest of the way. In the meantime I am saving a little money and, you know, poisoning various organs less than usual.

I'm still having fun with Duolingo Hindi lessons though I've fallen off the wagon with Russian. Also still enjoying yoga and reading fic and believe I'll write some again someday.

Comments

[princessofgeeks]

Thanks for the update.

Like you, I live in hope of writing again.

I have to/get to write an academic article in the next couple of months. Hopefully that will be the start of something.

[ancalime8301]

I, too, believe I'll write fic again someday, but the well remains dry for now. Sigh.

I've mostly watched MCU vids, though there are a few old school LotR ones I remember fondly. I have long been in awe of fanvidders, there's some great talent out there.

Yay, yoga!

[claudia603]

I went through a LONG and I mean LONG dry period with writing. In my case, I couldn't let my toxic job situation out of my heart and soul and so my muse was simply gone. Sometimes I tried to force it, but the passion for it only came in rare spurts. Then, this past winter break, just like that, it was back. I only wish I had more hours in the day (where I didn't have to be doing other things, *SIGH* LIFE.) Also, with fan fic, I just got tired of trying to perform for others and just decided to write for myself for awhile, all the things I didn't allow myself to do when I was thinking, "What would so-n-so think/like/want? Would so-n-so read this? Is this "cool" enough?" etc. That being said, a good deal of writing is also my original fics, which is different. Ugh! Not enough hours in the day! Plus, I've been sick lately, which means I have even less energy to do anything useful.

So all that to say that I think ALL the creativity will come back!!! /babbling because it's early morning :D