I can't judge, either. I'm too close to it. That's why I'm a big believer in beta, or first reader, or critique group. It's amazing the things that are perfectly clear to me that never end up on the page, only in my head.

I wasn't trying to suggest you scrap the whole fic-- although that's what Tolkien always did with LOTR. CS Lewis said he had two responses to criticism: he either ignored it, or started over from the beginning. In your case, I was thinking of just starting the troubling chapters over again. But it sounds like you're already doing that. I hope other people have had more useful suggestions. Good luck! I really like this fic!