writing meme

[sophinisba]

I'm not actually feeling at all creative right now, but I am feeling kind of lonely, hence the spam. Here is a fun meme gacked from schemingreader, almostnever, and kissing_athelas, among others:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

ETA: I'm going out for a few hours. Thanks so much for coming to cheer me up, girls. Keep 'em coming, please. And feel free to write your own crack in the comments if you feel so inspired.

ETA: Back. Eh, who cares about term papers when there is crackfic to write?

Comments

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

The hobbits teach Faramir and Legolas a kissing game they all played as tweens at parties, after they all get squiffed at a tavern.

[sophinisba]

"No, no, no," said Pippin, who thought the conversation had grown far too serious since Faramir had decided to ask about his dead brother, and who anyway was getting very tired of watching Frodo watch Faramir with that look in his eyes that said, I'd be yours if you'd just hurry up and take me, and Faramir smile back with a look that said, It is a great honor to be in the presence of the Ring-bearer. "You've got it all wrong. That's not how it went at all."

"But it is!" Sam insisted, still sounding ridiculously earnest, considering that the point of their outing this evening was to get drunk and forget about their cares. "The going was tough but whenever we had trouble the bigger ones would help us along. They'd even carry us if they needed to."

"Well, yes," said Pippin, "they carried us sometimes, of course, but not just because they needed too. Boromir liked to carry Merry and me also because he enjoyed our company."

"Yes," said Merry, who'd started to catch on. "And because he enjoyed having his arms full of hobbits." Good old Merry, thought Pippin. "Not to mention his face."

"What do you mean?" said Faramir.

"That Boromir was a great warrior and a great Man," said Pippin, not wanting to offend, "but that he was also, shall we say, deeply interested in the habits of us hobbits. And he always wanted to find out more about us – just as you do! – and that Merry and I were always eager to teach him. And that that included... kissing games."

"Kissing games?"

"Why yes," said Pippin. "Like this." And with only the slightest hesitation (which had mostly to do with the glowering presence of a certain Dwarf) he climbed up onto Legalas' lap and covered the Elf's mouth with his own.

Pippin had always thought Legolas very lovely and had enjoyed the few times he'd kissed him. He hadn't made a habit of it because, well, Legolas seemed to be rather indifferent to it all. It wasn't that he minded Pippin's tongue in his mouth, and certainly Legolas's mouth was as beautiful as the rest of him and Pippin thought he tasted sweeter than most, somehow, as if there was nothing unclean or impure about him anywhere. But then Pippin had never been much for purity. He preferred enthusiasm.

Still, means to an end and all that, and definitely not unpleasant. Aware of all the eyes on him, the fact that Merry would be staring impassively and Frodo and Sam would be hanging their heads and blushing, and Faramir would be beside himself and not know what to think. And, well, putting the thought of Gimli out of his mind. He did his best to enjoy the moment, the smooth slide of their tongues, the way Legolas' opened to him, as graceful in kissing as in everything else, and the way Legolas' arms closed Pippin in, squeezing his torso and his bum and making him feel warm and cared for, if not exactly hot dead sexy.

As Pippin eased off and lingered to lick both their lips, he heard Merry say, "And Boromir always liked it quite a bit. You ought to give it a try too, Faramir, since you're always going on about how you honor us hobbits. And Frodo in particular."

[sophinisba]

"But is this a sign of honor among your people?" said Faramir, still staring as Pippin finally released Legolas' mouth but stayed contentedly in his lap. "Did you not just now call it a game?"

"Er," said Merry "it's a game we only play with those we hold in very high esteem. You see – " and here he stopped and very briefly kissed Frodo on the lips – "Frodo is one of my dearest friends, as well as being the loveliest creature alive and the one who destroyed the Ring and so saved us all from fire and darkness and eternal slavery. And those are a few of the reasons I like to kiss him. And since we all know how greatly Frodo honors you as well, since the help you gave him and Sam back in the day, you can imagine how difficult it's been for him to hold back, not to show his... honor."

"Is this true, Frodo?"

"My cousins..." Frodo began. Pippin knew Frodo had never been good at lying, even when it was for a very important cause. "My cousins do indeed honor me, and they wish for my happiness. And I... I would like very much..."

Oh, Frodo, thought Pippin. You've already proved you're the bravest soul in Middle-earth. Is it really so difficult to reach across a table in a tavern and make a little contact?

But then it turned out he didn't have to, because Faramir stood up and reached for him, and picked him up – just as Aragorn used to do (because Boromir had loved Merry and Pippin's company, and Legolas had taken good care of Sam his hobbit feet wouldn't carry him any farther, but Aragorn had always been the one to watch out for Frodo) – and held him tight and close.

So softly that Pippin could barely hear it, Frodo sighed.

"I would like very much to show you how I feel," Faramir said to Frodo. "But I hope you would respect my own custom of preferring that we, er... honor each other... in private. That is to say, just outside in the alley is good enough for me, but away from your fellows, if that's all right with you.

Pippin was a little bit disappointed to see Faramir carry Frodo out the door and out of sight, but mostly he felt pleased with a job well done. He took another swig of ale and settle back to kissing his Elf.

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sophi, you did it! And it's delightful! I can see them all at the table, With Frodo and Sam blushing and Faramir with his jaw sagging when Pippin snogs Legolas. Well done!

[sophinisba]

Thank you!