writing meme

[sophinisba]

I'm not actually feeling at all creative right now, but I am feeling kind of lonely, hence the spam. Here is a fun meme gacked from schemingreader, almostnever, and kissing_athelas, among others:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

ETA: I'm going out for a few hours. Thanks so much for coming to cheer me up, girls. Keep 'em coming, please. And feel free to write your own crack in the comments if you feel so inspired.

ETA: Back. Eh, who cares about term papers when there is crackfic to write?

Comments

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Hi! I know what you mean about the lonely. Even when you know you are going to see people later, it's easy to wish for more communication.

Fics you would never write--I don't know enough about your fics! Er...How about:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Mead Taken at the Inn at Bree

Hagrid Crashes an Entmoot

House Elves at the Grey Havens

[sophinisba]

Ha, thank you for your solidarity. Sometimes when one is guiltily blowing off rl responsibilities in order to hang out on LJ one just really wants LJ to be more thrilling.

While I think about these prompts, allow me to rec mordelhin's Hagrid/Elijah drabble of wrongness.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Did you read the story I wrote for one of these prompts? It was Snarry mpreg. here (http://schemingreader.livejournal.com/147053.html#cutid1). It's PG. I wrote a whole story because, um, sorry about that.

so the first part of the Bree fic

[sophinisba]

"Say, Pippin, have a look at that young chap over there."

"Which, the one with the..." Spectacles, Pippin didn't say out loud, because once he was looking the boy in the face he knew just why Merry had pointed him out, and why Merry was staring more than he tended to do.

"He looks..." Pippin tried.

"He looks a bit out of place," Merry finished.

"More than a little bit. He looks as lost as we were the first time we came to Bree."

"Yes, yes he does."

"I say, he almost looks as small among these ruffians."

Merry nodded. "Taller, of course. But he doesn't eat enough, I'd wager. You know how skimpy some of these big folk are with their food."

"And with their ale as well."

"I think he could use some company."

"Perhaps he'd rather be left alone."

"I don't think so."

And once Merry had taken this kind of decision there wasn't much use in arguing with him, nor was Pippin inclined to do so, for he was just as curious to meet the boy who so reminded them both of Frodo when seen across the room. Of Frodo as they'd known him once, the brave but uncertain friend who'd stopped in this tavern on their journey out, not the broken and distant one who'd stayed here on the way back.

Merry offered to buy him a drink.

"I've already got my goblet of mead, thank you," said the boy, politely enough, but not looking them in the eye.

"All right then, allow us to buy you a meal, why don't you?"

"And we'll join in as well," said Pippin. "We've eaten already, but being hobbits we don't mind having some more."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not from these parts, are you," said Merry, as Pippin motioned to Butterbur. "You haven't seen Halflings before. Do you come from the south?"

"I'm... Yes, the south."

"No," said Pippin, "Merry, he's not from our Middle-earth at all. How did you come to Bree, young sir? I don't believe you came on foot."

The boy hung his head. "I probably shouldn't tell you this... but for some reason I trust you two."

"Yes, we're very trustworthy, Merry and I are. Not that you should go telling your life story to the first strangers you meet in Bree, but you've nothing to fear from us."

"I was trying to get to Hogsmeade, you see, but I had some trouble with the Floo Network before, but I thought I had it worked out by now."

"Anyone can make a mistake," said Merry encouragingly, though it was clear to Pippin that he had no more idea than Pippin of what they were talking about. "All roads do seem to lead to Bree, don't they?"

"Er, I suppose so."

[and then um there is some more but now I need to go to bed... Thank you for playing!]

[sophinisba]

"That's why we come back here every year or two," said the one who'd spoken to him first, "ever since the days when we became travellers, even if we can't travel as much as we'd like anymore. Holding rather important offices back in the Shire, you know, we do feel it's important to keep up on the news from Bree.

"The Shire?" Harry repeated.

"You really are lost, aren't you, lad?" said the other little man. "Don't mind my cousin. He likes to think we're important, but mostly we come here because we like the company, and the large portions of food and drink."

"Let's not be strangers anymore," said the first, grinning at his friend. "My name is Meriadoc Brandybuck."

"And I'm Paladin Took," he stood up in order to bow slightly, "at your service and your family's. And you should call me Pippin and him Merry."

"I'm Harry," he said, shaking their hands. And, quietly, with a glance at the tall men surrounding them, he finished, "Harry Potter."

"Splendid," said Merry, not raising an eyebrow upon hearing the name. "I think we should talk, Harry, and share a meal, as Pippin says, but we'd best go back to our own room, since you never know who might be listening here in the common-room."

Pippin had got up and appeared to be giving instructions to another one of the little men – a good deal shorter than him and Merry, actually.

"We need to put some food in you before you get drunk on mead and start dancing on the tables," Marry said good-naturedly. "Come with us then."

Harry was quiet as they led him up the stairs, and he gripped his wand hidden under the long sleeve us his robe. But it really was a relief to be alone with these two after spending the last hour (since he'd stepped out of the fireplace as surreptitiously as he could manage) sipping his goblet of mead and being stared at by a dozen big burly men. Merry and Pippin weren't like Harry but they were a lot less frightening than anyone else around here. In fact, Harry wouldn't be frightened of them at all if he weren't completely lost and uncertain of ever finding his way home.

By the time they made it to their room and closed the door Harry felt he couldn't keep silent any longer. "Look," he blurted out, "I know this place can't be Muggle, but it isn't magical either, is it? I mean, you two aren't... wizards, are you?"

"Wizards? Gracious, no!" said Pippin, laughing loudly. But it wasn't the way the Muggles Harry knew would laugh if he talked about magic.

Merry, who was watching Harry carefully and hadn't laughed, said, "We had dealings with Wizards once, but that was years ago."

So there was still a chance they could help him. "Who were the wizards you knew?" Harry asked.

"Gandalf the Grey was our friend," said Merry.

"And Saruman the White was not," added Pippin.

"I see," said Harry. "And if I mentioned Albus Dumbledore, the, er... silver and purple?"

They stared at him blankly. Well, if they hadn't heard of Harry Potter it wasn't too surprising that they wouldn't know Dumbledore either. Still, he thought he should give it another try. "Erm, Sirius Black?" He tried to think of Lavender Brown's father's name but couldn't remember it. "Something... Brown?"

"Sorry," said Pippin.

"No, wait," said Merry, "Gandalf had a friend called Radagast the Brown. He's the only Wizard I can think of who might still be here in Middle-earth and willing to help us. I haven't a clue where he is now, but if you like we can send out word tomorrow."

"We have friends among the Elves as well, you see," said Pippin. And the pride with which he said it made Harry think elves were probably not the same thing here as they were in his own world. And for that matter there was no reason to think that wizards were the same thing here either. Harry still couldn't remember Lavender's father's name but he knew for certain it wasn't Radagast.

"Only one left in the world?" he said.

"If Gandalf had been the only one we ever met, that would have been much better for all of us, I think," said Pippin. Merry frowned at him but said nothing.

"Well, you've met one more of them now," said Harry.

"Sorry?" said Pippin.

Then a knock came at the door.

REMIX!!

[sophinisba]

The Bree Story (A Potter Perspective Remix) by tinheart!!

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

The hobbits teach Faramir and Legolas a kissing game they all played as tweens at parties, after they all get squiffed at a tavern.

[sophinisba]

"No, no, no," said Pippin, who thought the conversation had grown far too serious since Faramir had decided to ask about his dead brother, and who anyway was getting very tired of watching Frodo watch Faramir with that look in his eyes that said, I'd be yours if you'd just hurry up and take me, and Faramir smile back with a look that said, It is a great honor to be in the presence of the Ring-bearer. "You've got it all wrong. That's not how it went at all."

"But it is!" Sam insisted, still sounding ridiculously earnest, considering that the point of their outing this evening was to get drunk and forget about their cares. "The going was tough but whenever we had trouble the bigger ones would help us along. They'd even carry us if they needed to."

"Well, yes," said Pippin, "they carried us sometimes, of course, but not just because they needed too. Boromir liked to carry Merry and me also because he enjoyed our company."

"Yes," said Merry, who'd started to catch on. "And because he enjoyed having his arms full of hobbits." Good old Merry, thought Pippin. "Not to mention his face."

"What do you mean?" said Faramir.

"That Boromir was a great warrior and a great Man," said Pippin, not wanting to offend, "but that he was also, shall we say, deeply interested in the habits of us hobbits. And he always wanted to find out more about us – just as you do! – and that Merry and I were always eager to teach him. And that that included... kissing games."

"Kissing games?"

"Why yes," said Pippin. "Like this." And with only the slightest hesitation (which had mostly to do with the glowering presence of a certain Dwarf) he climbed up onto Legalas' lap and covered the Elf's mouth with his own.

Pippin had always thought Legolas very lovely and had enjoyed the few times he'd kissed him. He hadn't made a habit of it because, well, Legolas seemed to be rather indifferent to it all. It wasn't that he minded Pippin's tongue in his mouth, and certainly Legolas's mouth was as beautiful as the rest of him and Pippin thought he tasted sweeter than most, somehow, as if there was nothing unclean or impure about him anywhere. But then Pippin had never been much for purity. He preferred enthusiasm.

Still, means to an end and all that, and definitely not unpleasant. Aware of all the eyes on him, the fact that Merry would be staring impassively and Frodo and Sam would be hanging their heads and blushing, and Faramir would be beside himself and not know what to think. And, well, putting the thought of Gimli out of his mind. He did his best to enjoy the moment, the smooth slide of their tongues, the way Legolas' opened to him, as graceful in kissing as in everything else, and the way Legolas' arms closed Pippin in, squeezing his torso and his bum and making him feel warm and cared for, if not exactly hot dead sexy.

As Pippin eased off and lingered to lick both their lips, he heard Merry say, "And Boromir always liked it quite a bit. You ought to give it a try too, Faramir, since you're always going on about how you honor us hobbits. And Frodo in particular."

[sophinisba]

"But is this a sign of honor among your people?" said Faramir, still staring as Pippin finally released Legolas' mouth but stayed contentedly in his lap. "Did you not just now call it a game?"

"Er," said Merry "it's a game we only play with those we hold in very high esteem. You see – " and here he stopped and very briefly kissed Frodo on the lips – "Frodo is one of my dearest friends, as well as being the loveliest creature alive and the one who destroyed the Ring and so saved us all from fire and darkness and eternal slavery. And those are a few of the reasons I like to kiss him. And since we all know how greatly Frodo honors you as well, since the help you gave him and Sam back in the day, you can imagine how difficult it's been for him to hold back, not to show his... honor."

"Is this true, Frodo?"

"My cousins..." Frodo began. Pippin knew Frodo had never been good at lying, even when it was for a very important cause. "My cousins do indeed honor me, and they wish for my happiness. And I... I would like very much..."

Oh, Frodo, thought Pippin. You've already proved you're the bravest soul in Middle-earth. Is it really so difficult to reach across a table in a tavern and make a little contact?

But then it turned out he didn't have to, because Faramir stood up and reached for him, and picked him up – just as Aragorn used to do (because Boromir had loved Merry and Pippin's company, and Legolas had taken good care of Sam his hobbit feet wouldn't carry him any farther, but Aragorn had always been the one to watch out for Frodo) – and held him tight and close.

So softly that Pippin could barely hear it, Frodo sighed.

"I would like very much to show you how I feel," Faramir said to Frodo. "But I hope you would respect my own custom of preferring that we, er... honor each other... in private. That is to say, just outside in the alley is good enough for me, but away from your fellows, if that's all right with you.

Pippin was a little bit disappointed to see Faramir carry Frodo out the door and out of sight, but mostly he felt pleased with a job well done. He took another swig of ale and settle back to kissing his Elf.

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sophi, you did it! And it's delightful! I can see them all at the table, With Frodo and Sam blushing and Faramir with his jaw sagging when Pippin snogs Legolas. Well done!

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

Aragorn being an unjust king.

[sophinisba]

Three fics, C, you need to give me three to choose from! *insatiably needy for comments omg*

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

D'oh! :D

Okay, the fellowship being indifferent when Frodo is hurt or sick omg, Sam GLADLY leaving Frodo in movie verse when Frodo says go home. :D

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Blast, I just realized, you need two more ideas. Okay, Gimli showing Aragorn how dwarves woo their sweethearts.

And Eowyn teaching Frodo to dance one of the dances she learned as a girl.

[absolutefiction.livejournal.com]

josh and elijah first kissing and when one of them has to go home, etching their names on a part of the others body so they can always be together even when they're apart.

frodo and merry vying against each other for sam's affection

casey having a hickey and trying to show it off subtly, but not being subtle, to zeke!

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

Hrmn.

That you *wouldn't* write?

Well, here are three prompts anyway:

Pippin being grumpy.
Merry making a dumb mistake.
Sam slacking off.

[aprilkat.livejournal.com]

Do they have to go together?

Snape wears red silk underwear, Harry develops a keen interest in accounting, and Lucius's fortune secretly turns out to be based on the sale of pignuts.

[sophinisba]

It wasn't so much the subject itself that Harry enjoyed as the immense satisfaction of seeing and showing how much smarter he was than Dudley. Dudley had always been the kind of boy that only stupid and deluded parents could love or claim was intelligent, so it wasn't new for Harry to feel that he was smarter, but he did like having it be so obvious.

Dudley was having to attend summer school because he'd failed the subject during the school year. He'd ordered Harry to do his homework for him, since Dudley had more important things to do like hanging out with his friends. At first Harry had protested but, once he realized he couldn't get out of it, he started to enjoy how quickly he could figure things out when he knew that Dudley hadn't even begun to catch on after nine long months in school. He liked explaining things to his cousin the way one would to a particularly stupid child. He liked it when Petunia and Vernon watched.

Look, Harry felt like saying, not only can I make things disappear or explode or float up in the air just by thinking about it, I can also balance assets and expenses against liabilities, equity and revenue! I can also do what you do better than you.

He thought it gave him a new appreciation and understanding of Hermione as well. It was almost enough (not quite) to make him want to devote the rest of his summer to studying up on the history of magic, even though the topic had always seemed quite irrelevant to him, just because he could imagine how good it would feel to raise his hand in class, confident that he had all the answers.

He wrote her to ask her about the wizarding equivalent of accounting, whether it was similar to the Muggle version, and whether it was a good job to have.

Harry was beginning to waver in what had once been his firm intention to become an Auror. He was noticing that people in that job tended to get killed a lot, and also that Harry himself was very good at getting himself into life-threatening situations, though so far he'd also been pretty good at getting himself out of them. He was still committed to fighting evil, of course, but surely accountants had their part to play in the struggle as well. Surely they were needed.

Hermione wrote back to say she was pleased to hear he was doing some homework, though he would do better off doing his own than Dudley's. Wizarding accounting was done almost entirely by goblins, as he ought to know from his visits to Gringotts, even if he refused to read up on the history. The jobs of wizards, elves and goblins had been segregated by an unjust system set up by the wizards to ensure their own place at the top of the hierarchy, but goblins had made a niche for themselves in the financial arena and it really wouldn't be fair of Harry to try to usurp that from his position of privilege. Besides which, no, it was not at all similar to Muggle accounting, so what he was learning this summer was unlikely to help him there.

She also said that she was having a wonderful time at the Burrow, thank you, and Ron and Ginny sent their love.

Harry decided that was all right after all. He'd put his energy into defeating Voldemort for now, but if he managed to do the job in the next few years then perhaps there wouldn't be any need for Aurors by the time he grew up. As much as he liked magic, it would be good to be able to make a living in the Muggle world. Always good to have a fall-back career, he thought.

In the meantime, somehow, he was having his best summer ever at Number four, Privet Drive.

"Hullo, Dudley," he said, grinning, when he heard his cousin come tramping up the stairs, "Tell us what you learned today."

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, this was fantastic!

I especially enjoyed Hermione's reaction about the segregation of wizards and goblins, etc. Too true to her!

He was still committed to fighting evil, of course, but surely accountants had their part to play in the struggle as well.

This tickled me for some reason!

What a well-thought out, psychologically set fic. You win!

[dreamflower]

Oh, I do hope that you continue this! I'm loving it!

[sophinisba]

Thank you! I should really be finishing my papers but this is much more fun!

[ladysunrope.livejournal.com]

I love this -you have to write more -and you know, it dsoesn't come over as angsty. More accepting with regret than angst but the dialogue with Harry is excellent and funny.

[sophinisba]

Thanks a lot for letting me know! It is fun to do and I will try to keep going with it.

[lilybaggins.livejournal.com]

Oh, this looks so fun!

A fic you wouldn't write? Hmmm... I can't think of many. :D Maybe an Aragorn MPREG, lol! (Do not feel you must write a snippet of it!)

[sophinisba]

Could you give me two more choices? ♥