Sophinisba Solis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sophinisba) wrote2006-03-11 02:10 pm
sophinisba) wrote2006-03-11 02:10 pm
Entry tags:
friending on lj
Benvenuta ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
janira11! Ho visto i tuoi comentari in diversi conti che noi due citiamo e sembri una ragazza simpatica e intelligente. Spero che possiamo ci conoscere meglio. (Ha ha ha, well, I did my best. It's been a few years since Italian class and I never was that great at it.)
Friending can be damned awkward, don't you think? There are such diverse views across LJ about what a friends list means, and it's hard to know what to expect when people don't tell you their policy on their userinfo page or another easily visible place. (That was me being crabby and bossy, did you see?) In a few places I've seen people ask "Is it okay for me to friend you?" in an LJ comment and get no response. Not wanting to end up in this situation myself, I'm much more likely to say "I'm friending you, hope that's not a problem" or not say anything at all, especially if it's one of these types who doesn't always respond to comments. I put it on the unfriendly person to say something if she really doesn't want me around.
My question is though is this: does anyone actually object to being friended? I don't mean someone demanding to be friended back, but just a quiet "Hello, I'm reading." As long as everyone's of age, is there any reason not to want someone to add you to their reading list? Have you ever seen someone say no, or otherwise communicate that they don't want certain people to friend? And if not, where does this custom of asking for permission come from?
janira11! Ho visto i tuoi comentari in diversi conti che noi due citiamo e sembri una ragazza simpatica e intelligente. Spero che possiamo ci conoscere meglio. (Ha ha ha, well, I did my best. It's been a few years since Italian class and I never was that great at it.)Friending can be damned awkward, don't you think? There are such diverse views across LJ about what a friends list means, and it's hard to know what to expect when people don't tell you their policy on their userinfo page or another easily visible place. (That was me being crabby and bossy, did you see?) In a few places I've seen people ask "Is it okay for me to friend you?" in an LJ comment and get no response. Not wanting to end up in this situation myself, I'm much more likely to say "I'm friending you, hope that's not a problem" or not say anything at all, especially if it's one of these types who doesn't always respond to comments. I put it on the unfriendly person to say something if she really doesn't want me around.
My question is though is this: does anyone actually object to being friended? I don't mean someone demanding to be friended back, but just a quiet "Hello, I'm reading." As long as everyone's of age, is there any reason not to want someone to add you to their reading list? Have you ever seen someone say no, or otherwise communicate that they don't want certain people to friend? And if not, where does this custom of asking for permission come from?
no subject
It's a difficult situation though, because sometimes (and I'm not talking about you, so don't you dare think that) one likes someone for their personality, the way they comment, the way the contribute to the community, and because one has friends and interests in common, and yet one doesn't read that person's fic, either because it's about a pairing that one isn't interested in, or because it's just not one's favorite style. That makes it very awkward to introduce oneself and explain the friending! Will the new friendee be offended that one keeps saying how much one likes their journal but failing to comment on the fic? Ah, the uncertainties and awkward situations of fandom!
On another subject, I still remember how excited I was when you decided to friend me back. I was pretty new at the time and I had like five friends, and I e-mailed you to reveal that I had written that mpreg ficlet for Lily and that I had more Frodo-in-trouble fic in store. And you were so kind and welcoming! *nostalgic*
I like that you explain your policy on your info page. I wish everybody would do that. *very subtle*
no subject
And for the record I'm not at all insulted when someone comments on my personal posts and doesn't read my writing. Well, I'm a little puzzled when it's someone who normally reads my fics and then suddenly stops. Makes me stop and sniff under my underarms, lol! :-D But I know there are people on my flist who like me but don't like Frodo paired with interspecies. Or (gasp) don't like Frodo at all!11(!!). So obviously they're not going to read my stories. I'm totally cool with that. Otherwise I might have said in my friending policy: Sorry. I will only friend you back if you read every single fic that I write and praise it with grate praise. :D (okay, I'm still goofy).
And I was never so excited when I got REAL letters from you. REAL. And from exotic locales. :-) I still have and treasure them. I've always meant to return the favor but school has sucked my will to live, honestly. Someday! :-) *hugs*
no subject
A lot of times I worry when I'm friending someone that they'll think I'm doing it just because I want them to come read my stories, which is not the reason at all. I just really hate that feeling of obligation. I mean, I think the kind of thing I usually do will only ever have a pretty small audience, but I sure wouldn't want my circle of friends to be limited to the people who read my fics.
I was having such a good time at the time I wrote you those letters. I have seldom felt as creative as I did during those weeks. I think it was good that I had Internet access but it was limited. So I'd come online and skim the f-list and read fics for an hour, but then the whole rest of the day I'd be writing or thinking about things to write. I had that notebook with me everywhere. It was so much fun.