writing meme

[sophinisba]

I'm not actually feeling at all creative right now, but I am feeling kind of lonely, hence the spam. Here is a fun meme gacked from schemingreader, almostnever, and kissing_athelas, among others:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return (and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

ETA: I'm going out for a few hours. Thanks so much for coming to cheer me up, girls. Keep 'em coming, please. And feel free to write your own crack in the comments if you feel so inspired.

ETA: Back. Eh, who cares about term papers when there is crackfic to write?

Comments

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Hi! I know what you mean about the lonely. Even when you know you are going to see people later, it's easy to wish for more communication.

Fics you would never write--I don't know enough about your fics! Er...How about:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Mead Taken at the Inn at Bree

Hagrid Crashes an Entmoot

House Elves at the Grey Havens

[sophinisba]

Ha, thank you for your solidarity. Sometimes when one is guiltily blowing off rl responsibilities in order to hang out on LJ one just really wants LJ to be more thrilling.

While I think about these prompts, allow me to rec mordelhin's Hagrid/Elijah drabble of wrongness.

[schemingreader.livejournal.com]

Did you read the story I wrote for one of these prompts? It was Snarry mpreg. here (http://schemingreader.livejournal.com/147053.html#cutid1). It's PG. I wrote a whole story because, um, sorry about that.

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

The hobbits teach Faramir and Legolas a kissing game they all played as tweens at parties, after they all get squiffed at a tavern.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

Aragorn being an unjust king.

[sophinisba]

Three fics, C, you need to give me three to choose from! *insatiably needy for comments omg*

[sophinisba]

Ah, thanks, that is very cute and helps cheer me up. I am in some kind of mood, for goodness sake, the Harry in Bree fic is absurdly angsty so far.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

D'oh! :D

Okay, the fellowship being indifferent when Frodo is hurt or sick omg, Sam GLADLY leaving Frodo in movie verse when Frodo says go home. :D

[westmoon.livejournal.com]

I want to read both of these!

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Blast, I just realized, you need two more ideas. Okay, Gimli showing Aragorn how dwarves woo their sweethearts.

And Eowyn teaching Frodo to dance one of the dances she learned as a girl.

[sophinisba]

LOL! I should combine all three of these and just have a big old NO ONE LOVES FRODO AU. :D

(I'm so pleased you and Baranduin signed up for the remix! Interspecies woot!)

[westmoon.livejournal.com]

I should combine all three of these and just have a big old NO ONE LOVES FRODO AU.

YESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sophinisba]

"Now, Mr. Frodo, that's the last straw! I've had it up to here with your gasping and whinging and falling down stairs so's you almost send me crashing down the cliff along with you. You know me and you know I like a good meal. If I weren't faithful to you and I cared more about stuffing my face than helping you out, do you really think I'd have come along with you this far? I've had plenty of chances to turn back, in case you didn't notice that while I was drowning in the Great River."

"You were a good friend and a help to me, Sam, but things have changed."

"I'll say."

"Are you going to defend yourself or not? Who else could have taken the lembas?"

"Well, I was sleepin' the whole time, and this one says he can't eat it, so I wonder."

"Sam, please, I didn't mean..."

"That's all right, sir. I was holding out hope that one of these days you'd see past your snooty upbringing and we could finally have a nice shag. I thought maybe once I got your cousins and those hunky Big Men out of the way I'd have a chance, but no. You'd rather stay up all night touching that thing. And anyhow you're so dirty and desperate these days I don't even like to look at you. Fine then."

"Are you really leaving me?"

"That's what it looks like, isn't it? Have a nice trip to through the Dark Land with your new best friend. I'm going to find my way back to Captain Faramir and see about getting me some real food and some action back in them caves."

[absolutefiction.livejournal.com]

josh and elijah first kissing and when one of them has to go home, etching their names on a part of the others body so they can always be together even when they're apart.

frodo and merry vying against each other for sam's affection

casey having a hickey and trying to show it off subtly, but not being subtle, to zeke!

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

Hrmn.

That you *wouldn't* write?

Well, here are three prompts anyway:

Pippin being grumpy.
Merry making a dumb mistake.
Sam slacking off.

[shirebound]

*reels dizzily and faints*

*revives long enough to glare at you ruffians*

maybe Faramir is keeping some wine chilled for when Sam finds his way back

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

ahaha! This was great! :D Just perfect. :D Go away, Sam!

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

hee! :D

[sophinisba]

I bet Faramir and Sam will have a very nice time UNTIL SAURON TAKES OVER THE WORLD OMG and then they will be sorry. Poor Frodo!

Thank you!

[sophinisba]

Poor Frodo!!!

[aprilkat.livejournal.com]

Do they have to go together?

Snape wears red silk underwear, Harry develops a keen interest in accounting, and Lucius's fortune secretly turns out to be based on the sale of pignuts.

so the first part of the Bree fic

[sophinisba]

"Say, Pippin, have a look at that young chap over there."

"Which, the one with the..." Spectacles, Pippin didn't say out loud, because once he was looking the boy in the face he knew just why Merry had pointed him out, and why Merry was staring more than he tended to do.

"He looks..." Pippin tried.

"He looks a bit out of place," Merry finished.

"More than a little bit. He looks as lost as we were the first time we came to Bree."

"Yes, yes he does."

"I say, he almost looks as small among these ruffians."

Merry nodded. "Taller, of course. But he doesn't eat enough, I'd wager. You know how skimpy some of these big folk are with their food."

"And with their ale as well."

"I think he could use some company."

"Perhaps he'd rather be left alone."

"I don't think so."

And once Merry had taken this kind of decision there wasn't much use in arguing with him, nor was Pippin inclined to do so, for he was just as curious to meet the boy who so reminded them both of Frodo when seen across the room. Of Frodo as they'd known him once, the brave but uncertain friend who'd stopped in this tavern on their journey out, not the broken and distant one who'd stayed here on the way back.

Merry offered to buy him a drink.

"I've already got my goblet of mead, thank you," said the boy, politely enough, but not looking them in the eye.

"All right then, allow us to buy you a meal, why don't you?"

"And we'll join in as well," said Pippin. "We've eaten already, but being hobbits we don't mind having some more."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not from these parts, are you," said Merry, as Pippin motioned to Butterbur. "You haven't seen Halflings before. Do you come from the south?"

"I'm... Yes, the south."

"No," said Pippin, "Merry, he's not from our Middle-earth at all. How did you come to Bree, young sir? I don't believe you came on foot."

The boy hung his head. "I probably shouldn't tell you this... but for some reason I trust you two."

"Yes, we're very trustworthy, Merry and I are. Not that you should go telling your life story to the first strangers you meet in Bree, but you've nothing to fear from us."

"I was trying to get to Hogsmeade, you see, but I had some trouble with the Floo Network before, but I thought I had it worked out by now."

"Anyone can make a mistake," said Merry encouragingly, though it was clear to Pippin that he had no more idea than Pippin of what they were talking about. "All roads do seem to lead to Bree, don't they?"

"Er, I suppose so."

[and then um there is some more but now I need to go to bed... Thank you for playing!]

[sophinisba]

"That's why we come back here every year or two," said the one who'd spoken to him first, "ever since the days when we became travellers, even if we can't travel as much as we'd like anymore. Holding rather important offices back in the Shire, you know, we do feel it's important to keep up on the news from Bree.

"The Shire?" Harry repeated.

"You really are lost, aren't you, lad?" said the other little man. "Don't mind my cousin. He likes to think we're important, but mostly we come here because we like the company, and the large portions of food and drink."

"Let's not be strangers anymore," said the first, grinning at his friend. "My name is Meriadoc Brandybuck."

"And I'm Paladin Took," he stood up in order to bow slightly, "at your service and your family's. And you should call me Pippin and him Merry."

"I'm Harry," he said, shaking their hands. And, quietly, with a glance at the tall men surrounding them, he finished, "Harry Potter."

"Splendid," said Merry, not raising an eyebrow upon hearing the name. "I think we should talk, Harry, and share a meal, as Pippin says, but we'd best go back to our own room, since you never know who might be listening here in the common-room."

Pippin had got up and appeared to be giving instructions to another one of the little men – a good deal shorter than him and Merry, actually.

"We need to put some food in you before you get drunk on mead and start dancing on the tables," Marry said good-naturedly. "Come with us then."

Harry was quiet as they led him up the stairs, and he gripped his wand hidden under the long sleeve us his robe. But it really was a relief to be alone with these two after spending the last hour (since he'd stepped out of the fireplace as surreptitiously as he could manage) sipping his goblet of mead and being stared at by a dozen big burly men. Merry and Pippin weren't like Harry but they were a lot less frightening than anyone else around here. In fact, Harry wouldn't be frightened of them at all if he weren't completely lost and uncertain of ever finding his way home.

By the time they made it to their room and closed the door Harry felt he couldn't keep silent any longer. "Look," he blurted out, "I know this place can't be Muggle, but it isn't magical either, is it? I mean, you two aren't... wizards, are you?"

"Wizards? Gracious, no!" said Pippin, laughing loudly. But it wasn't the way the Muggles Harry knew would laugh if he talked about magic.

Merry, who was watching Harry carefully and hadn't laughed, said, "We had dealings with Wizards once, but that was years ago."

So there was still a chance they could help him. "Who were the wizards you knew?" Harry asked.

"Gandalf the Grey was our friend," said Merry.

"And Saruman the White was not," added Pippin.

"I see," said Harry. "And if I mentioned Albus Dumbledore, the, er... silver and purple?"

They stared at him blankly. Well, if they hadn't heard of Harry Potter it wasn't too surprising that they wouldn't know Dumbledore either. Still, he thought he should give it another try. "Erm, Sirius Black?" He tried to think of Lavender Brown's father's name but couldn't remember it. "Something... Brown?"

"Sorry," said Pippin.

"No, wait," said Merry, "Gandalf had a friend called Radagast the Brown. He's the only Wizard I can think of who might still be here in Middle-earth and willing to help us. I haven't a clue where he is now, but if you like we can send out word tomorrow."

"We have friends among the Elves as well, you see," said Pippin. And the pride with which he said it made Harry think elves were probably not the same thing here as they were in his own world. And for that matter there was no reason to think that wizards were the same thing here either. Harry still couldn't remember Lavender's father's name but he knew for certain it wasn't Radagast.

"Only one left in the world?" he said.

"If Gandalf had been the only one we ever met, that would have been much better for all of us, I think," said Pippin. Merry frowned at him but said nothing.

"Well, you've met one more of them now," said Harry.

"Sorry?" said Pippin.

Then a knock came at the door.

[absolutefiction.livejournal.com]

i love this because it's like outlines how dumb it was for the writers to A. make frodo tell sam to leave and b. to allow sam to leave. um. SAM WOULD NEVER LEAVE! ESPECIALLY IF FRODO HAD BECOME SO FAR GONE THAT GOLLUM WAS ABLE TO POISON HIS MIND! IT'S NO BIG DEAL. ONLY THE WHOLE FATE OF MIDDLE EARTH RESTS ON IT! AND HIS FRODO!

[dreamflower]

*snerk* Honestly, I nearly choked! What a howler!

That bit *had* to be one of the top five *dumbest* bits in all three movies combined--maybe even at the very top, though Faramir taking them to Osgiliath, and Elrond in Theoden's camp come a close second.

Good for you to chop it down to size.